Growing Up

About twenty minutes ago my mom asked me when I was finally going to grow up. You see, in less than 48 hours I will be boarding a plane to London, England, where I will be living for the next 4 months and I guess from her perspective she believes I couldn't care less. To be fair, I am not a particularly outwardly emotional person and this irks her to no end. I've never been the kid to jump up and down on Christmas morning or to scream with excitement or joy. Even when I was a baby I was basically dead to the world (my mom's exact words), but as I've grown up I think I've realized why. It isn't so much that I'm not excited or grateful or happy, but rather, I tend to see everything from a "big picture" perspective. So much so that it tends to overshadow my excitement almost instantly.

So yes, I am over the moon about traveling around Europe and seeing incredible places and meeting new people, but at the same time I have reservations: I have to manage school, money, transportation, an internship, and all the other things that normally I get to take for granted. I have to stay healthy and on top of my shit so to speak because no one is going to be there to bail me out if I mess up. So I guess,  Mom, in answer to your question, I'll be doing quite a bit of growing up in about 48 hours time. 

But if we're being honest- and I'm really trying to be here- I hope to God I never grow up, at least not really. It doesn't even look remotely fun. Taxes, work (or lack thereof), responsibility...I just don't get the hype. My future pretty much hangs over me like a dark cloud that's about to unleash the fricken storm of the century at any moment. Sure, it's probably not all bad, but you know what? Neither was nap time or recess or coloring- or riding bikes or playing superheroes or building forts (that were actually still easy to get in and out of). When did retirement become the new Santa Claus...something you believed in but may never see? I understand growing up is inevitable and I know life is what you make of it, but really, would it be so terrible to be young for just a little bit longer?

Food for thought.

It's Over, 2014. We're Done.

Dear 2014,

I consider myself to be patient and understanding and I know that sometimes we all need to be cut a little slack, but now I think it's time for me to move on. I have held so much hope that things would get better, but today it has dawned on me that you and I are nothing if not a lost cause. It wasn't all bad, but the tears I shed and the frustration I felt were just too much in the end. Truth is, you were mean. You pushed me to my limits and brought out the worst in me, and I was not happy with who I was when we were together. But you know something, 2014? I will not cry over you. You are not worth it. Instead I will stand up straight, head held high, and dive headfirst into all of the beautiful promises 2015 has made to me, because he is something you are not. He is forgiving of my previous mistakes, and you know what he has that you don't, 2014? POTENTIAL. 2015 has the potential to be the greatest love affair I have ever encountered. He will show me places I have only imagined, and he will teach me that the world is bigger than my tiny bubble that you kept me so trapped inside. He will not bring me down the way you did, 2014. Not because he is not capable, but because I will not let him.

This was how we could have been, 2014. While we shared some great times and beautiful memories, it seems our time together has run out.

Best,
Em