2 Steps Forward, 10 Steps Back

Six months ago was the last time I wrote a post on this blog and it feels like a million years ago, you guys. From Hawaii, to Vegas, to Napa, and back to school and back to Vegas, so many adventures have been had and memories have been made that I can't possibly recall them all here, but here are some of the highlights.

1. Hawaii 

If you've ever met me (so basically none of you because apparently this blog only reaches about 72 people and none of my friends know I write this), I am in love with the island state. I dream about the black sand and warm water and tropical air. I constantly get lost in thought, picturing the seaside towns - the houses that look like they have been lived in for lifetimes while somehow also seeming somewhat abandoned - their owners too busy enjoying the island to bother with keeping them up. When I was younger I used to picture the day I moved into one of the shacks right outside of Honolulu. Now, I recognize this place for what it is...an escape, and I love it more and more each time a visit, and it breaks my heart every time I have to leave.

2. Back to School 

There are very few things I value more in this world than my education, and the fact that I am lucky enough to attend one of the most beautiful campuses in Southern California (and the nation, might I add), certainly makes my return for my senior year so much more bitter-sweet. While most of my friends at other universities are ready for that seemingly elusive graduation date, I am honestly, 100% dreading it. Seriously...every time anyone even mentions my plans for next year I cringe internally while simultaneously feeling the urge to punch someone in the face (I don't normally consider myself violent). Seeing as a fifth year victory lap doesn't seem feasible for me from a financial standpoint, I'm really just quite bitter every time the subject is brought up. My return from abroad came with some of the greatest things: reconnecting with my best friends and roommates, a new house (even if it is a dump), new classes, and of course, new dramas, but at the end of the day, I am in love with every bit of it.

3. Vegas 

You guys. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas....I mean really? What did you think I was going to say?

Anyway. The title of this post is 2 steps forward, 10 steps back because with all of these adventures has come a lot of learning about myself and what I want and just how afraid I am of the future. In one of my earlier posts I talked about wanting to like myself more and let me tell ya, the older you get, the harder it gets...at least from my experience these last few months. I'll keep working on it. 

Happy Tuesday!